On Hellboy 2...

I watched Hellboy 2 the other night. I was going in with pretty high expectations. It got pretty high marks on Rotten Tomatoes and a newspaper review called it 'dark'. The movie was shitouse.

Amazing effects and costume design, some interesting parts like how Prince Nuada lives in the sewer and the ancient tooth fairy monsters and how the trolls still live under bridges, but a major fail in terms of storytelling and character development. Really really bad acting. Really really horrible to watch. I would go so far as to say it was as cheesy and bad as the Batman and Robin movie.

Everyone's timing seemed to be way off in this, which can possibly be blamed on maybe not having more than one take? Luke Goss from Bros is alright but pretty much plays Nomak Damaskinos again which can almost be considered a cross-over between Marvel and Dark Horse. I don't know how this movie got such good reviews - it is like everyone is kissing Guillermo Del Toro's ass since Pan's Labyrinth and since they couldn't give it more than five stars, some stars overflowed onto Hellboy 2.

If Hellboy 1 was like bad pilot episode of a failed TV-Series then Hellboy 2 is like a two-hour long montage of fan-favourite scenes from that series hosted by Bob Saget.

I dont' want to be all like 'the comic-book was better' but they made the movie-version Hellboy the dumbest most unlikable character ever, and he is meant to be the main character, he is a total dick! They also made Abe Sapien a moron. Not to mention the BPRD were the most unprofessional secret government agency ever - where bad guys could just 'rock up' to the secret compound and staff could just steal jets and destroy shit - wtf? I've been to freakin public libraries with more security than that.

There is so much potential to the Hellboy material - which is what makes this movie franchise so disappointing - Guillermo Del Toro pulled a total Joel "I Want A Car, Chicks Dig The Car" Schumacher.

I can't believe I managed to rant so much about this. I haven't been this disappointed since Ang Lee's Hulk fuck-up.